what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My ass is underappreciated
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
