I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
