I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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