well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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