just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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