looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
