i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
