oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
