Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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