Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
