I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
