This is not my ceiling
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
