if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
