even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
