I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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