I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
