The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
