covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
