I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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