My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
