goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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