Im at strip club and am horny
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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