How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
