I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
