Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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