I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I fill condoms, not promises.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
