Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
