Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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