we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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