Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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