I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
