ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize