you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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