just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
