He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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