Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i dont even know how to be here
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
