Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
