forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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