I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
