He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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