I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
