You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
