The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
