I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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