I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
