now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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