I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
