I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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