so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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