Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
