a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
