I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
