I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
